Truth Telling: I See You

I fumble clumsily in the dark, trying get my alarm to silence, pull my sweatshirt over my head and check in… what is my truth today? Too early, I decide. Coffee first. A piping hot dark roast with just enough cream is filled to the brim of my favorite insulated mug and I snuggle up with a blanket and a new book for a quiet hour before my day begins.

Ninety minutes later the rush has set in and I am caught up in a tornado of lunches and winter weather gear, checking the boxes in my head to ensure everyone has what they need before heading out for the day. Keira’s arms are full of things she wants to take “on the ride” as if we are heading out on a weeklong road trip. I remind her it is just ten minutes to school but she insists, and I cave, with a sigh. Hold this please momma, she instructs as she goes to get her bright blue sneakers off the shelf. I take one of the objects in her hand, trying my hardest not to look too closely… not to soak it in She notices my behavior and provides another instruction, LOOK at it momma. I glance at the picture collage and my heart starts to crack, my eyes start to fill. Not today. I have things to do today, meetings to engage in and a long list of things that need my focus. I cannot sit in this today. 

The sun has come and gone and here we are again. That is the beautiful and brutal thing about life. The worst thing you can imagine happens, and the next day, the sun rises, you realize it was not a nightmare, again… and the world goes about their business.